On time again! OK that’s the end of my excitement. I hinted that I might watch this earlier in the month. I don’t know why I hate myself so much sometimes, but I guess today was just one of those days. I’m sorry to you, and I’m sorry to myself.
Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2
Directed by Joe Berlinger
Written by Dick Beebe, Joe Berlinger, Daniel Myrick, and Eduardo Sánchez
Wow, 4 writers. That’s always a good sign…
I love The Blair Witch Project. I love Blair Witch (Day 1 this year). But today I decided to punish myself for my love of those great movies, and I watched Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2.
The concept of the movie is that a bunch of people are flocking to Burkittsville after seeing The Blair Witch Project (yeah VERY meta…) and so these 20-somethings, led by Jeffrey Donovan of Burn Notice fame (super mediocre show, but so good compared to this movie and it has Bruce Campbell) go into the woods and then they lose the night and wake up the next day and forget everything and all of a sudden they’re back and forth in time being interrogated and then flash back and the time jumps are super confusing. They make Pulp Fiction seem coherent and chronological.
It’s just back and forth and you don’t know why until the end but you can pretty easily guess and it’s all over the place. So then back in time they leave the woods the next morning with no memories and then they find the tapes and there’s nothing on them and then one girl’s dead and another girl’s like “gotta get the tapes the tapes” and the other girl’s like “nah you gotta play the tapes backwards” and guy is like “nah doesn’t do anything” and the other guys like “nah you gotta type in the COMMANDS backwards.” That’s not realistic. That doesn’t work. That’s not how computers work.
So anyway that works, of course, and they find out they all went nuts and partied. And did some other shit. So stupid.
The acting is terrible. TERRIBLE. The soundtrack is awful. The editing is incoherent. The cinematography resembles a bad Nine Inch Nails music video, and besides being ABOUT The Blair Witch Project, it has nothing in common with it. NOTHING. Not found footage. Not a mystery, it’s VERY predictable. It’s NOTHING like the other two movies.
That applies to quality as well. This movie is a dumpster fire. And like a dumpster fire, you should stay away.