The Top 50 Films of 2013: Day 1 (50-26)


The Top 50 Films of 2013: Day 1 (50-26)

Hello! It’s April 2014! That means I’m extremely late with my list this year. I’m sure all 7 people that decide to read it are disappointed in my lack of punctuality. But enough of that, LET’S GET STARTED! I’m going to forego screenshots because who cares about 50-26.

50. Fast and Furious 6
Fast and Furious 6 is a movie about car stunts and plane stunts and harpoon guns (a STAGGERING amount of harpoon guns) and Vin Diesel and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and if that doesn’t make you squeal with girlish delight then you aren’t my friend.

49. This is the End
Jay Baruchel, Craig Robinson, James Franco, Danny McBride, Seth Rogen, and Jonah Hill play themselves as the world ends. It’s hilarious, and surprisingly enough this cast is EXTREMELY good at playing themselves. Hell if 50 Cent can do it, I guess so can anyone.

48. Upstream Color
Shane Carruth’s follow-up to Primer is a little less confusing, but. Actually that’s a lie it’s just as confusing. If you pay close, close attention throughout, you’ll get a deep, extremely intelligent science fiction indie about THE CIRCLE OF LIFE. If you DON’T pay close attention you’ll get confused. (Available to watch on Netflix watch instantly)

47. Iron Man 3
Iron Man 3 is awesome. Not quite better than the Avengers but definitely a close second. It’s got the JOKES. It’s got the BOOMS. It’s got the TWISTS. It’s got the EVERYTHING.

46. Spring Breakers
BOOM CONTROVERSY. This was a super divisive movie by both the critics and audiences. But let me tell you THIS MAN’S OPINION is that it’s a solid thriller, very unique in its execution (as one would expect from Harmony Korine), and it features one of James Franco’s best performances to date as (Riff Raff) Alien the drug dealer.

45. The Wolverine
Wolverine and Samurai. Duh.

44. Saving Mr. Banks
This is the story of Walt Disney trying to convince P.L. Travers to sell out to Disney. And she did. But really it was a great, often sad, heartwarming movie that I liked more than I thought I would.

43. Blue Caprice.
HEY-O I reviewed this one. It’s a fictional take on the D.C. Beltway snipers of yesteryear. It’s haunting and disturbing and sheds some (theoretical) light on what could have motivated these men to go about this business of sniping.

42. Computer Chess
An 80s throwback about the first chess playing computer program and the competition by software developers to have the best chess playing program. It’s a bizarre comedy that’s best moments involve a character by the name of “Papageorge.” (Available to watch on Netflix watch instantly)

41. Star Trek Into Darkness
Questionably grammatically correct title aside, Star Trek Into Darkness is a superior film to its already fantastic predecessor, featuring an intelligently-crafted story and great acting all around. Also Simon Pegg is in it so what are you waiting for?

40. In a World…
In a World… is a big inside joke in the movie trailer voiceover industry. It was directed by a stars Lake Bell, who made a smart, somewhat dry comedy with a light story and funny, good acting.

39. Captain Phillips
The (in my opinion) weakest entry into the Best Picture race this year is still obviously a very strong, great thriller about a man who survived a Somali pirate attack on his boat. Though the “true” details of the film (and book) have come into question, the fact remains that this is an incredibly well-made thriller. So lighten up.

38. Blue Jasmine
This Woody Allen DEPRESS-FEST got Cate Blanchett a well-deserved Oscar. It’s funny, sad, and has Andrew Dice Clay.

37. Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
There were scenes in this movie during which I was laughing so hard I found it difficult to breathe. Definitely better than the first one. Naysayers can find the door.

36. The Kings of Summer (pictured above)
This movie features three kids who run away from home and build a house in the forest. Nick Offerman is in it too. This movie features some of the funniest, wittiest dialogue of the year, and it is accessible to almost any demographic.

35. The Conjuring
Man oh MAN oh man the Conjuring. ALL ABOARD THE HYPE TRAIN. This movie was talked about and TALKED about and TALKED about and right up until the last 20 minutes, it deserved that hype. The final 20 minutes I enjoyed for totally different reasons…

34. Frozen
Yeah yeah more hype train but I really liked it. Atypical (at least, for Disney) ending involving the men NOT saving the day was nice. Little snowman was funny. Reindeer was funny. Troll things were funny. I laughed. I liked the music. The end.

33. The Place Beyond the Pines
To say much would spoil the narrative twists but LET ME TELL YOU, TWISTY THIS IS.

32. The Spectacular Now
If only Shailene Woodley would stick to movies like this and not bargain bin YA trash then maybe she would be way more respected. But right now she really only has this and The Descendants. I say only but they are both GREAT movies.

31. Oldboy
Spike Lee’s Oldboy remake has drawn HUGE amounts of ire and is PROBABLY the most controversial pick for my whole list but I stand by it. No, it doesn’t stand up to the original. No, it doesn’t even come close. But does it stand up on its own as a great, great film? Yes, it does. The defense rests its case.

30. Out of the Furnace
I don’t really get why people disliked this. I kind of see it as this year’s “Killing them Softly.” I really enjoyed it. It had bare knuckle boxing, angry Christian Bale with a gun, and crazy meth redneck Woody Harrelson. What’s not to love?!

29. Fruitvale Station
WHAT A SAD DAMN MOVIE. They tell you what happens right from the get go, so telling you it’s sad isn’t much of a spoiler. It’s based on true events to, so that sadness gets brought right home. It can be a little heavy-handed at times, but overall it’s an extremely high-quality film and really leaves you wondering how this managed a total of 0 Academy Award nominations.

28. Monsters University
I don’t care what to STINKING ACADEMY has to say, this was my favorite animated movie this year. Also The Wind Rises should have waited until these Oscars to compete because most people didn’t even really get a chance to see it because it didn’t even get a limited release here until Feb. 2014. So yeah wait for that one to be on next year’s (this year’s…) list.

27. Stitches
Stitches is an Irish slasher/horror comedy from 2012 that showed up on our shores in 2013, so that’s why it’s here on this list. It’s hilarious and GORY and low-budget and I’m a big horror fan so that’s why it’s here. It’s MY list and I can be as SUBJECTIVE AS I WANT TO.

26. Rush
Another movie that I just can’t understand WHY it had no Academy Awards. It’s the true story of this crazy awesome formula 1 rivalry from the 70s and IT WAS JUST SO COOL.

Look for 25-1 in the next few days at some point! Thanks for reading!


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